Not Another Christmas Parody
by Lady Of The Semicolons
Summary: Ganondorf hates Christmas fanfiction season. Zant tries to cheer him up... with a parody of the 12 Days of Christmas.


"You've got a sour look on you face. More sour than usual, I should say," the Demon Lord Ghirahim informed Ganondorf as he entered the room.

The King of Evil started, having not noticed the newcomer until he had spoken. "If I do, it's perfectly warranted," he said.

"Of course, of course."

Ganondorf couldn't help but sense condescending undertones in the statement. "You _do _know what time of year it is, don't you?"

"I'm not following you."

"It's _winter._"

A wry smirk. "Somebody doesn't like to get his toes cold, it seems."

"It's nothing like that. Winter means worse than cold and snow. Winter means _Christmas._ And Christmas… means hell and chaos."

"…Excuse me?"

"It's bad enough that they humiliate us all year. But Christmas… Christmas is the worst."

"And just who is 'they'?"

"The fanfiction writers," growled the King.

"…Ah. Yes. Those," said Ghirahim with distaste.

A new voice called out, "You just need to not let them bother you so much." Ganondorf groaned as Zant hopped over to them.

"Zant…" Ganondorf uttered threateningly.

"But I know how to cheer you up!"

"…That isn't necessary, Zant. Really."

"No," said Ghirahim with interest, seeing an opportunity to annoy the King of Evil. "Please, go on, Zant." Ganondorf flashed the Demon Lord a look of absolute hatred, and little did Ghirahim know that he was about to regret egging Zant on.

Zant beamed and cleared out his throat before beginning to sing.

"On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me—"

"Your true love?" interrupted Ganondorf, "Who's that, your mother?" He winced as the former Usurper King cracked his neck multiple times in anger.

"You leave my momma out of this," said Zant with a glare. "Or I bring yours in."

"Fine, fine," the Evil King muttered.

Zant began his song again.

"On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

A Stalchild swinging in a tree.

"Er…" Ghirahim wanted to find something more substantial to say, but was finding it difficult. Zant continued.

"On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Two pudgy Moblins

And a Stalchild swinging in a tree."

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave me

Three Fire Keese,

Two pudgy Moblins,

And a Stalchild swinging in a tree."

"How… many verses of this song are there?" asked Ghirahim.

"Pretty sure it's twelve," replied Ganondorf.

Zant kept singing.

"On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Four Deku Babas,

Three Fire Keese,

Two pudgy Moblins,

And a Stalchild swinging in a tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

FIVE OCTOROKS!"

Ganondorf and Ghirahim both winced at the increase of volume.

"Four Deku Babas,

Three Fire Keese,

Two pudgy Moblins,

And a Stalchild swinging in a tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Six Redeads dancing,

FIVE OCTOROKS!

Four Deku Babas,

Three Fire Keese,

Two pudgy Moblins,

And a Stalchild swinging in a tree."

"…Dancing Redeads?" asked Ghirahim.

Ganondorf shrugged. "Hell if I know."

"Oh, I assure you, they do. And they're quite talented at it, actually," said a voice.

Ghirahim turned toward the voice and raised an eyebrow

"There is a floating mask talking to me…"

Ganondorf said, "And if you like your soul, you won't talk back."

"Oh come now, Ganondorf," sulked Majora's Mask.

"Shoo," said Ganondorf, "Things are bad enough without you."

As was to be expected, Zant was still singing.

"On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,

Seven Chuchus jiggling,

Six Redeads dancing,

FIVE OCTOROKS!

Four Deku Babas,

Three Fire Keese,

Two pudgy Moblins,

And a Stalchild swinging in a tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,

Eight Moldorms spinning,

Seven Chuchus jiggling,

Six Redeads dancing,

FIVE OCTOROKS!

Four Deku Babas,

Three Fire Keese,

Two pudgy Moblins,

And a Stalchild swinging in a tree."

"On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,

Nine Wizzrobes whizzing—"

"When he says whizzing," said Ganondorf, "He surely doesn't mean…"

Ghirahim looked repulsed. "I should certainly hope not…"

"Eight Moldorms spinning,

Seven Chuchus jiggling,

Six Redeads dancing,

FIVE OCTOROKS!

Four Deku Babas,

Three Fire Keese,

Two pudgy Moblins,

And a Stalchild swinging in a tree.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,

Ten Beamos beaming,

Nine Wizzrobes whizzing,

Eight Moldorms spinning,

Seven Chuchus jiggling,

Six Redeads dancing,

FIVE OCTOROKS!

Four Deku Babas,

Three Fire Keese,

Two pudgy Moblins,

And a Stalchild swinging in a tree."

"Is he done yet?" asked Ghirahim.

"I wish," answered Ganondorf.

Zant took a breath before starting the next verse.

"On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,

Eleven Like Likes hungry,

Ten Beamos beaming,

Nine Wizzrobes whizzing,

Eight Moldorms spinning,

Seven Chuchus jiggling,

Six Redeads dancing,

FIVE OCTOROKS!

Four Deku Babas,

Three Fire Keese,

Two pudgy Moblins,

And a Stalchild swinging in a tree."

And then, at long last, was the much-anticipated final verse.

"On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,

Twelve Wallmasters lurking,

Eleven Like Likes hungry,

Ten Beamos beaming,

Nine Wizzrobes whizzing,

Eight Moldorms spinning,

Seven Chuchus jiggling,

Six Redeads dancing,

FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE OCTOROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKS!

Four Deku Babas,

Three Fire Keese,

Two pudgy Moblins,

And a Staaaaalchiiiiiild swingiiiiiing in a treeeeeeeeeeee."

Zant's reward for his song was a punch in the face, courtesy of Ganondorf.


End file.
